Last Hope

This pandemic is killing me. I feel awful. People around me mostly felt the same. Covid 19 not only affecting physically but some be mentally disturbed too. I have tried my very best to stay positive and having a good thinking also hope that it will get better soon. It's like I thought i have it altogether yesterday but after pkp was announced, i really need time to process, and I really did give myself a break.. But soon after I'm OKAY it's like some people can SENSE it and really had to ruin it for me. I know it's not easy for you.. Just to inform that ITS NOT FOR ME TOO. You think I have everything figured out too? You know I respect you and aware that you are struggling I may not understand it but it doesn't mean that I don't care. Just note also that You ARE NOT ALONE. There are people out there that has no place to stay, no parents, NO food to eat, NO family, etc which difficulties they're facing we have no idea at all... Try to be GRATEFUL. I'm not playing GOD. I just feel that you are too much. JUST FOR INFORMATION I CAN BE BITCHY TOO BUT THAT WOULDNT MAKE IT ANY BETTER in this situation I ALSO DON'T WANT to be mad they say semua itu syaitan, and i think i have enough demons to deal inside me and i dont want to add more. 

YOU CAN BE MAD. BUT YOU DONT LET IT OUT TO PEOPLE. I'm not a punching bag. I'm not YOUR PUNCHING BAG. If you really need it LETS GET YOU ONE. You can't just let out your anger to me like it won't hurt me.  I'm welcoming whoever want to come to me. I will try my best I know sometimes I am not much help but if you want to stay I can be that safe place for you. If you think you're comfortable with me well that's good. I can accept and you can let everything out to me I don't mind. Just when you mad and angry and getting harsh, I don't like that. I can't handle that much and I'm sorry. I want to keep myself SANE TOO. Deal it with yourself first. 

I'm aware that i'm not perfect. I have so many flaws. I have so much more to learn. Sometimes I feel like a tin kosong. I tak tahu byk benda and I think that's okay. I will openly listen and let people have their moment of say sometimes we do not need to agree. Sometimes it is not about right or wrong. I can be stubborn to sometimes I don't want to listen but please don't get mad over discussion or whatever. Oh just talk it out will you? We are only human. That's just us being human. WE NEED TO KNOW NOT EVERYTHING WE DO OR WE SAID IS NOT AWLAYS RIGHT. SO IT WONT HURT TO EXPLAIN AND ENTERTAIN ME! & not being bitchy abt it. 

Also never in my intention to let anyone around me feel small. It sucks. It sure did because I have experience it myself. I guess you just don't know me much. I never want to compete especially with you I'm in a place where i want to grow w people around me. Learn new things, teaching each other what's better because we want to GROW and be BETTER not stay at the same place. (without humiliating and degrading OF COURSE.) WE ONLY HUMANS. I can be dumb sometimes. WE CAN BE DUMB AT SOME POINT IN OUR LIFE.

I can't understand human, unless you talk to me. YOU WILL NOT UNDERSTAND HUMAN BEINGS. It is impossible. YOU WILL NEVER FIGURE THEM OUT UNLESS THEY TELL YOU WHAT's in their head. Ever wonder the book that you read, YOU READ WHOLE THING for few times but you still can't understand it? That is actually a well put written but you still can't understand it imagine a human. I can't.