IDLE

2025

Have you ever notice in your life, there was a time that you let yourself be idle. You see life move but you just stay put. There. Just there. Alive but dead inside? being hard on self and not enjoying life, the present. Now that it has happened long ago I finally want to talk about it. Tbh, I feel like i was coward.. i was not confident with myself, with everything around me, I also not know much. I know nothing but still got to keep doing life. So many thing I wasn't prepared for, there was no person for me to go to actually being an adult, to talk about it, I honestly feel scared to being one. That time I always think im a child please help me how to decide. I had a hard time to choose, to dream, to be creative, to be free because I just don't know. It might be because of the relationship i had going on at that time, the mindset just not growing oh my god i was dull. 

So i guess i put so much energy on unnecessary thing, for a long freaking time, thinking what can work, while at last, nothing really benefit me.. just oh my god why do i waste my time and energy for that -.- when i could have done so much more. But still anyway, what matters is now, I know I have grown so much and a lot better than before.

I know i can't change the fact that I have let myself being stuck in the moment for quite a period of time, it was suck. It was such a loss of time when i could have made a lot of friends, made memories, catch that flights, hike that mountains and the list can go on.. so yeah shame on me that i shut people off, hesitant to step forward. So if you catch yourself in that position, please wake up you are so going to regret.

Nevertheless, I believe in takdir Allah, He knows better and to put me in position where its best for my own good because I might damage my own self if it was the other way round. I redha and if I want to be happy and create memories i can still do it now Alhamdulillah because I'm so ALIVE. 

I can't thank You enough. I'm grateful.. I'm blessed 😇