Flower Boy Next Door

7 Dec 2014 - in my new bedroom

It has been a week since we're here. Right now, I'm in a new house with only dominated by four head including me. I could honestly say I'm happy just as is, glad that we've moved out, so soon that I nearly broke but it's worth it, knowing that I don't have to face no longer her face but only in class. The reason why I'm here writing this is because I have nothing to do (no wifi-in progress no 3Gs) like I literally finished two novels in the bore of time and last night, I decided to watch this korean drama, titled The Flower Boy Next Door. It hits me hard when this one girl, a heroine of the drama itself, getting traumatised in her high school days that she locked herself in her apartment even when she already reached twenties. She's afraid to face the world just because of what happened, she was bullied at her school, was alone and worse her only best friend left her at that time. She suffered too much, which involves emotional wreck. They've crossed the line, not knowing the limit they should've stop pushing her too far. I don't really sure but I think she doesn't have the guts to defend herself and she just let things happen and bottling it all up. She gets lonely and alone until the time she feels enjoy and comfortable for being alone. By being alone, she thought nobody will get hurt and she will not hurt herself too. That's the part when this guy who is charming (not just that but he's a genius oh well something will not happen in real life) came out and save her from living in the box-showing her the outside world-dramas events-she has finally realised-she has changed-they both live happily ever after.

But what I really wanted to highlight is, yes, we have that dark times in past. I don't know about you but I myself had through it all alone, when I was 13-14yo I got ditched by this group friend of mine, (yes that time I was all innocent and a bit annoying to others) I've got to admit, half of it was my fault but I've learned from it. It was horrible of my life being alive and I wasn't a person who complain or telling it to anyone. Not even to my mom. I have this journal I keep to myself (I've burned it down imagining it would be found by any other human being I'd die of shame) I wrote and pour all the feelings and what was going on, knowing it's safer that way. I act all tough. Like you'd have no idea I'm shaking inside. I'm so proud of my young self whenever I think of it, I'd not be as strong as I was back then. But soon after half year (I can't exactly remember the period but I'm sure it was not a short of time), they're finally realised they had been over acted that they felt sorry and I was sorry too. 

Of course, that's not the ending but only a beginning, heck every day is. I'm meeting new group, new challenges, new dramas, new best friends (grateful to have). I also had lost someone who meant the world to me along the road. Well, someone we called best friend who is now a stranger. I wonder where would I be right now if we're still friends. Probably not here. Honestly no one can replace her no one could.

To the point where I'm right now haha it's impossible. Dude ladies got issues.
Things so complicated back then, lol not kidding. So is the present.

I've realised I've changed because of it, I try not to hurt anyone by my words, bit aware of the feelings of others. Not that I let people to push me down and use me how they want but I'm considerate enough, to deal and finding reason for every mis-action. But sometimes I get tired too, I don't please the bullshit. I'm sorry if I ever hurt you -but sometimes I'm not sorry -I'm only human. Like you. Like everyone else.

Sometimes I feel like telling everyone how I feel and sometimes I don't. But I guess I just did. I'm so messed up. Since this blog of mine not really known by much of my fellows I guess I could write anything I want without having to worry.

Thank you for reading, I hope you won't lose your mind because of it.